It’s 7:29 pm.
(What’s with me and times? Is this a sickness? Am I alone?)
I glance at my phone and set it down KNOWINGLY that it will start an annoying chime within seconds alerting me it’s time to take my pills.
- a.I feel like I’ve lost grip since I need an ALARM because I’ve grown so forgetful.
- b.Happy medicated and proud of it. I’ve got more hills and valleys than 10 of your girlfriends combined (and I’m also dramatic af).
The TV is on however, I never watch it. I mean, I WATCH it but it simply doesn’t register. Another sickness? Do I need help or am I simply disengaging from my day? Once again… am I alone? My baby chirps and reminds me of my reality.
Can’t find it.
Lost in the sofa. Again. Cute.
As I’m searching for my forever lost phone, my hand touches something, let’s say, ‘crunchy’ on the blanket. I get distracted. What was that? Instead of hunting for my phone, I start hunting for the crunchy coordinates.
Yup, boogers. Again. Cute.
Okay. Phone is found and alarm is turned off. I rise to go collect my pills like the A D U L T that I am and as I pass my beautiful glass coffee table that is no longer graced with beautiful décor (because = toddler) I notice all the finger prints, drool and dust.
My eyes close.
My mind drifts.
I’m lost. Again. Cute.
I’ve been brought back to a time where the clothes were washed. The dishes done. Where I ate more than just cereal for the three important meals of the day. Where décor was the main attraction and not toys. Why is the sun so glittery? Does it smell better here? Gosh, it’s warm. I just want to stay.
I come back to center.
I’m home. Again. Cute.
As I’m walking down the hall and noticing all the dog hair on the floor and stepping over toys I gently remember, the grass is not greener. Time was not beautiful back then. Loneliness, quietness and the lack of color in my life.
THE LACK OF COLOR PEOPLE.
So, when you’re feeling like the grass is greener, pick up that teddy, drop kick it’s ass into its designated bedroom and remember you’re a raging badass. A raging badass mom or dad that just MIGHT be in bed by 8:45 pm. But you are still the ruler. Remember that. The goddamn ruler of the house. Don’t let the littles get ya down. They are the color. The color to our lives.